did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
