Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
