And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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