if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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