I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
