You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
