I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
