It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
