Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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