i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
