She said her name was "party"
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Randomize
