I got chris browned last night
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize