I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
