9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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