the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
