That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
