I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
