I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
