i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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