I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
