There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
