we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
