He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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