Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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