I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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