i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
