I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
