Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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