i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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