im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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