theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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