he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
