I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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