You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
