I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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