I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize