apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
