im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
