my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
