How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
