oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
