You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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