I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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