but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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