Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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