i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
