Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
