Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
