Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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