I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
