Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
