a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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