oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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