He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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