i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize