It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
