Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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