It's just like the Real World with babies
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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