What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
