i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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