So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
