Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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