from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
