Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
