I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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