I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize