i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize