Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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