but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
