so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
