You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
