somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
