she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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