so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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