he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
