with your own penis?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize