i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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