dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
