what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
