people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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