Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
