I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
