My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
