i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
