Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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