I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
