He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
