Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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