I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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