Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
