Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
