You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Every concussion has its silver lining
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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