he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
